1) I haven’t balanced my checkbook in twenty-three years.
Sure, I don’t know exactly how much money I have. That’s not necessary, at least not to me. I only need to know that I have “enough.” I’m fine with the ambiguity.
2) I re-gift.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment behind the gifts that I receive. But if I get enough candles and bath gel to open my own spa, then just know I’m passing some of those on.
3) I don’t iron. Anything. Ever.
If something needs to be ironed, I wait until Brian is touching up one of his shirts. Then I ask him to please iron my stuff as well. Otherwise, I just live with the wrinkles.
4) I am pretty sure that the squirrels of the world are organized, and they are coming for us.
Seriously, watch your back around those furry critters. They have attempted assault on my person more than once.
5) I have the ability to cross only one eye – leaving the other one still staring straight ahead.
Other than the fifth graders I used to teach, no one is impressed with this.
6) I believe that it is impossible to neatly fold a fitted sheet without resorting to the use of dark magic.
7) I was once fired from a volunteer job.
In a dramatic turn of events, I was re-hired hours later and “promoted” to a supervisory position – still unpaid. I made them beg first, however. I have my pride.