I’m not ready for Super Bowl Sunday.
This isn’t all that surprising, because I don’t pay much attention to professional football. I call myself a fan, but that’s because I’ve “married in.” My husband is a life-long Pittsburgh Steelers fan, so I’m aware of football in a “Hey, guys, what time are the Steelers playing?” sort of way — but even then I mainly want to know so I can plan when to serve dinner. Much like the agnostic husband who shows up at church with his wife on Easter and Christmas, I don’t sit down to watch a football game until the Steelers make the playoffs.
So, it’s not that strange I haven’t made any elaborate plans for the Big Game tomorrow, especially since the Steelers aren’t one of the teams squaring off. Honestly, I’m more excited because it’s Groundhog Day (c’mon Phil – send spring here a little early!). Still, I’ve got some chips and salsa on hand, and I made sure to pay the cable bill. I thought I had done everything I could to make sure my family was ready for the big game day – until today, when I received an email from Pinterest.
Thanks to the helpful folks at Pinterest I now realize how woefully inadequate my game day preparations are – and I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s entirely possible your plans might not be up to snuff either. Apparently it’s not enough to fill a cooler with beer and soda pop, and throw a few bags of Doritos on the table anymore. You can’t expect to just watch the game, laugh at some over-the-top commercials, and hang out with friends. What kind of party plan is that, you Philistine?
However — there is no need to panic. Pinterest has the answers.
All you need is a table cloth that looks like a football field, a Super Bowl Sundae bar (see what they did there?), cheese dip molded into the shape of a football, game pennants for every guest, and a watermelon carved to look like a helmet. All the snack food needs to be arranged in a replica of a stadium. You’ll need to dye your pet’s fur to reflect your team loyalty. Tear down the curtains and hang team banners in the windows. Rip up the carpet and lay down Astro Turf. And if your television set measures any smaller than 72 inches, you will need to get yourself to a Wal-mart ASAP.
Don’t forget to plan a separate party for the kids. It should include Super Bowl Bingo, a game of Pin the Football Between the Goal Posts, a face painting booth, a clown to make balloon animals in the shape of team mascots, and cupcakes with referee whistles nestled in the frosting, because if there’s anything parents love, it’s when you give their kids sugary treats garnished with toys capable of producing loud, shrieking noise.
But wait, the Super Bowl is tomorrow, and you haven’t done a thing. No need to worry – I’ve got it on good authority from the folks at Pinterest that it’s not too late! According to them, I still have time to prepare all of the above, sew my own game day sweatshirt, and paint my fingernails with little goal posts and footballs.
Or maybe, at the risk of appearing like a provincial clod, I’ll skip all that and just focus on the fun of hanging out with my family and friends instead. I guess I’m just crazy like that.