What The Heck Am I Doing?

I am struggling with balance lately.

Not physical balance — although heaven knows I can’t walk on the curb without falling off most days — but life balance.

This is going to sound crazy, but I can’t decide if I’m trying to do too much, or not enough.  Either way, it often feels as if I’m not getting anything done.

Then again, maybe it’s not a question of quantity, but of substance:  Am I spending time on valuable enterprises?  Maybe I’m not living with intention, with a defined purpose.  The days seem to flow by, and I’m floating on the current, when I should be steering the ship.  Life, although comfortable and pleasant, doesn’t seem to have a clear direction.

I don’t even know what I should be doing, other than the nagging suspicion that is should be something else, something more meaningful than the mundane tasks of my day to day life.

Perhaps (okay, probably) I’m suffering from delusions of grandeur.

I think it would be nice, at times, to get some sort of INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS SIGN that I am doing what I should be doing with my life.

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That would take all the fun out of this journey I am on, I suppose.  And, I am beginning to realize (finally!) that while they may not always be easy to spot, there are signs showing me I’m traveling down the right path — and if I would stop staring at my belly button in a melancholy daze I might even notice them.

Happy kids.  A supportive husband.  Faithful friends, old and new.

So…yeah.  It’s true I don’t have it all figured out yet.  I don’t know what the heck I’m going to be doing next year, or next month.  To be honest, I’m not sure what’s on the schedule for tomorrow.

But if past history is any indication, then I think I can relax — all signs point toward something good.

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5 thoughts on “What The Heck Am I Doing?

  1. I’ve wished for life directions, too. With no spoilers, of course. A bit of unsolicited advice: the next few times you feel that way write down what you are doing or were doing. It may give you a tip on which part of your life feels off kilter or what your psyche thinks you should be doing!

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    1. Hey, I never thought of that! (Too busy staring out the window, I guess…) I’m going to give it a try — if it brings anything to light, I’ll write a follow-up post.
      Thanks for the great idea — are you by any chance a life coach? 🙂 Would you like to be? haha

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  2. Uh oh, I think maybe I’m a bad influence on you, Kristine! But I like Innatejames suggestion. I think I’ll take his advice too…can’t hurt, might help!

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