Flash Fiction Friday: A Tabloid Tale

TRI-STATE TATTLER

ELVIS PRESLEY SIGHTING!

Janette Rodgers, 48, of Cowtown, PA, was spending a peaceful Sunday afternoon having a laugh over the sad plight of her fellow human beings as she scrolled through the images on the People of Walmart website…when suddenly she saw a picture that stole her very breath away!

“I was just home from the flea market,” Ms. Rodgers told this interested reporter. “I was tired from a long morning of scouting the booths looking for vintage Beanie Babies. So I kicked off my Crocs and settled down with a pinch of Skoal to view the latest People of Walmart photos.  That’s when I saw him — Elvis Presley, plain as day!  He was riding a motorized scooter in the background of a picture of a woman who forgot to wear pants when she went out to buy a month’s worth of T.P. and a carton of shot gun shells.”

Ms. Rodger immediately informed the People of Walmart website AND the Walmart Corporation of her discovery, but she reports that neither entity received her claims with the seriousness a sighting of this magnitude warrants.

“I know the picture was a bit blurry, but if there’s one person in this world I would recognize, it’s the King of Rock ‘n Roll,” Ms. Rodger’s asserted as she gestured to a wall filled with a collection of 98 portraits of Elvis.  “I’d know that sparkly jumpsuit and that tower of hair anywhere.”

The sighting itself isn’t the real story here, however.  The Tattler’s team of photographic experts have reviewed the picture with care, and have verified beyond a shadow of a doubt that the picture of Elvis’ face shows absolutely no signs of aging — in fact, he looks younger than ever!

Our expert analysts agree:  The photo is Elvis AND he appears younger than he did at the time of his death over thirty-five years ago…it’s true —

ELVIS PRESLEY HAS DISCOVERED THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH!

“Only a supernatural phenomena could enable Mr. Presley to display such a vibrant appearance after years of tumultuous and extravagant living — many of them experienced after his death!  We can only conclude that it is made possible by the consumption of a revitalizing elixir — a fountain of youth!”

The TATTLER wants to bring this story to the world’s attention, but we need YOUR help!  The mainstream media is trying to keep this shocking revelation a secret, as they continue to kowtow to both political parties, as well as to the evil Illuminati organization that controls the mainstream news.  BUT YOU CAN HELP KEEP THE PRESSES FREE!  We are asking you, dedicated reader, to scour the internet for further proof of both The Return of Elvis and the location of the now-confirmed by our scientists to be definitely real FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH!  Email your findings to the TATTLER and if your contribution is used we will send you a “Tell It To The Tattler” coffee mug and a leopard print Snuggie!

Don’t delay!  We are counting on you — and so is the rest of America!  Don’t buy into the lies of mainstream journalism — Read the TATTLER — Where The Truth Hurts, But We Print It Anyway!

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