The past seven hours have been all about me.
And I don’t even feel the tiniest bit guilty!
I woke up early this morning, and immediately checked my “to do” list. I’m a big fan of lists as they help keep my wandering mind on track. I”m a person who regularly gets lost in my own thoughts. For instance, I’m almost positive I end up washing my hair twice in the shower every morning because I can never remember if I washed it in the first place. I’m too distracted, ruminating on the meaning of life, the state of the world, what to cook for dinner, and if I have any clean underwear. You know, the big issues that haunt all of us.
Unfortunately, sometimes this thinking can start me into overthinking, which leads to over functioning, and then the next thing I know I’m staring at a to a do list of thirty items and counting. My helpful coping mechanism morphs into an overwhelming burden.
Today I perused my list of tasks to accomplish, mentally added five more items that were bouncing around my skull, and then laid my head down on the kitchen table. I was brain tired and bone weary, despite having just awakened from a full night’s sleep. I felt overwhelmed, a stunned victim of my own expectations. I remained in my seat, motionless, for several minutes, trying to get the coffee maker to start through the sheer force of my psychic will. Then, in a stark moment of clarity, I realized: This. is. crazy.
I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t work outside the house, so essentially I’m my own boss. Yet somehow, I forgot to schedule a day off!
I put my to do list in a drawer, and stayed in my pajamas until 10:00 a.m. I finished reading one novel, and started another one. I ate an ice cream sandwich for a mid-morning snack (don’t judge me) from my secret stash. (It’s not really secret. Is it my fault no one looks under the frozen peas? I think not.) After lunch, I enjoyed a short walk around the neighborhood followed by a twenty minute nap. But, mostly I’ve done…nothing.
If you’ve never spent a day in blessed idleness, you don’t know what you’re missing. I wholeheartedly recommend it. I feel better than I have in weeks. I’ve lost that pervasive “what am I forgetting?” feeling I’ve been carrying around. Centered and happy again, I’m transformed into a woman fully capable of making her own coffee without succumbing to a mental breakdown.
My kids will be home from school in an hour. Then I have an appointment to keep, dinner to cook, homework to supervise, and sibling bickering to mediate. I might even take my to do list out of the drawer, and try to cross off a job or two. But until then, I have another hour of sweet, sweet laziness ahead of me.
I’m don’t intend to waste a second, so you’ll have to excuse me now. I have some super important nothing to do!